Saturday, 16 February 2013


Okay guys, I am so so so sorry I haven't been on for like, over a month but I've just been so busy. School started back and I've had homework in like, every subject until recently, and when I'm not doing homework I'm being dragged out to social events.
This is the first weekend since my last post that I don't have a party to go to.
And my mother just had eye surgery to remove cataracts, which means that I have to do most things for her until it's all healed and stuff.
So, in short, my life had been hectic.
Remember that guy I was telling you about? The one who cheated on me?
Well, I decided to give him another chance, and he just decided to be an asshole again. It was going pretty good for like, two weeks and then he got really shitfaced and told me that basically he cheated on my with like, a lot of other girls, and he doesn't know why I bother and blah blah blah.
And then he tried to feel me up.
I hate him.
I don't hate him really, but I was mad at him for doing that.
And then like, a week before Valentine's day this guy asked me to be his Valentine, and I thought okay, how sweet of him, I've never actually had a Valentine before so I was flattered. We were supposed to go to dinner last night.
Aaaaand he ditched me. Well, not "ditched" exactly, as one has to show up in order to ditch someone. He didn't even do that.
It's like, why even bother asking someone to be your valentine if you're not even going to fucking show up?
It's just, so stupid.
And I have this whole big drama going on with my friends. You see, my best friend used to go out with this guy, but they broke up and now my other best friend is currently dating said guy, but said guy was sending my best friend messages saying he loves her and shit WHILE dating my other best friend.
And my other best friend's twin sister is in one hell of a war with this English girl who is my other best friend's best friend.
I know, it's really confusing without using names. I hope you understood that.
Oh, and my cousin is now dating this bitch, and it is currently tearing up his friendship between him and the English girl's older brother.
And then there's this other kid who had a huge crush on this bigger bitch, and the bigger bitch led him on until he asked her out and then she blatantly said no.
How mean can someone be?
But another two of my friends are dating, so that's good. But the sad thing is my childhood friend had a crush on the girl way before the guy she's currently dating, so my childhood friend got pretty crushed when he found out that the girl got together with someone else.
and yet another two broke up, which I thought was sad cause they looked really really good together.
And why do I know all this you may ask?
I have no fucking clue. I just do.

Tuesday, 1 January 2013

Jealousy of a Friend

I have this best friend. I've known her since we were toddlers, I must've been around two when we met. We've been best friends ever since. Well, it's been over a decade, and I still love her with all my heart. She doesn't live where I live anymore, she's actually half way round the world, but she comes down every summer and every Christmas, and I still consider her my best friend. We know each other inside out, and she's amazing. She's absolutely gorgeous, when she comes down all my guy friends drool over her. She's the nicest person you'll ever meet, and she's hilarious, we never stop laughing when we're together. In short; she's perfect.
Which, in turn, makes me feel weak in comparison. I love spending time with her, but over and over again, my crushes tell me how much they want a chance with her, my boyfriend is always telling me how beautiful and amazing she is. People call me to talk to her, and then hang up if she's not there. People will message me on facebook to talk to her, but if she's not there, then they just stop talking to me. I feel so worthless when I'm with her. It's like, she's a ray of sunshine, and I'm a lazy cloud, puffy and stupid, floating around the sky next to the biggest, most beautiful thing that you could imagine.
Just once, I'd like to be like her. Not her, exactly, but to have the effect that she has. I'd love to one day have guys telling her  that they want to talk to me. 
Or, that guys want to ask me out, and people want to be with me.
I have a little green monster on my shoulder. And I try so hard not to show it, and I don't think I do. And I feel so happy hanging out with her, but then there are those moments when one of the things above happen, and it just reminds me that I'm nothing without her, and that people wouldn't want to hang out with me as much without her being attached to me.
And trust me, she doesn't even realize it. She doesn't realize that she's getting all the attention, because she doesn't really want it. And she just kind of ignores it. And she sees nothing wrong with me, like I do. Which makes me feel awful for feeling jealous, because to her we're on the same page.

Have you felt jealous of someone before? Why?